GOING OUT: Time for Tea

I’m already bored of hearing about January diets and the “incredible” weight loss transformation of z-list celebs. This year I’ve not made any New Year’s resolutions that will lead to inevitable self-loathing, but plan instead to embrace indulgence as the new abstinence of 2012. This could be achieved through the standard night of hedonistic partying on bars, doing body shots off strangers and stumbling home with a handful of fried chicken. Or more simply through one of life’s finer pleasures – a good cup of tea and a big fat slice of cake.  

Whether your cup of choice is the noble Earl Grey, exotic Lapsang Souchong or the humble English Breakfast, below are some cosy spots scattered across the country perfect for treating yourself (and ending the January diet/cycle of misery and self torture).

The Tea Cosy, Brighton

Tucked away in Brighton, The Tea Cosy gives you the smug feeling of satisfaction that you’ve stumbled upon somewhere ‘secret’. Once inside you’ll find yourself in a fairy lit grotto of Royal Family memorabilia which vaguely resembles someone’s living room. With its odd cups, higgledy piggledy chairs, dusty lampshades and patriotic décor, it reaches the epitome of eccentricity whilst just remaining on the right side of chintz. Friendly service and good value for money, you can tuck into a selection of sandwiches and cakes named after your favourite royal, and drink tea from a pot aptly adorned with a knitted tea cosy.

Richmond Tea Rooms, Manchester

This ‘Alice in Wonderland’ inspired tea room is as indulgent in its interior design as it is in the cakes it serves. Upon entering you’re greeted with a cabinet full of delicious goodies, whilst the room in front of you unfolds into a spectacular example of camp at its decadent best. You can sit opposite a backdrop which evokes the Queen of Hearts, retreat under the glass roof of a flower-filled conservatory, or settle down on comfy cushion seats shrouded in silk drapes. A lively atmosphere makes it perfect for a special occasion, or just a good excuse to stuff your face with scones and clotted cream.  

St James’s Restaurant, Fortnum & Mason, London

Offering a cake-eating and tea-drinking experience in an environment of elegance and sophistication, the St James’s Restaurant is located on the top floor of the royally warranted department store Fortnum & Mason – famous for its luxury hampers, amongst other things. As you’re waited on by attentive staff in an atmosphere of calm civility, it’s not the place to raucously enjoy your cake, but instead pass your time with pleasant conversation whilst listening to the tinkering of the grand piano. It’s not extortionately expensive but you do pay more for a higher end service and experience. You might as well swap the tea for champagne whilst you’re at it. 

The Dome, Edinburgh

The grand location of The Dome in Edinburgh doesn’t solely serve afternoon tea, but it is a dining option with a menu full of the good stuff a traditional tea is made of: finger sandwiches, scones and cakes. With a variety of rooms to dine in the most impressive is undoubtedly The Grill Room. After passing through the foyer and under a chandelier of epic proportions, you’re seated under the impressive glass dome itself. Surrounded by pillars and marble flooring you could feel like you’d been transported to a more decadent era. However the friendly, down to earth atmosphere keeps your feet on the ground as you choose between the smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich, or the Scottish beef and horseradish one.

DW 

FILM: The Rising Stars BAFTA Forgot

BAFTA have done the unthinkable: following the outrage which greeted the Beeb's all-male Sports Personality of the Year shortlist, they've decided to go ahead and publish an all-male shortlist for their Rising Star award. While we can't redraft the list of nominees, we can show them the error of their ways:

Jessica Chastain

Let's start with the blindingly obvious. Chastain starred in no less than SEVEN films in 2011, a lot of them good, one of them excellent (Malick's The Tree of Life). If you didn't see her in something and weren't captivated by her radiant and scene-stealing performances, like BAFTA, you probably weren't paying much attention.  

Jennifer Lawrence

Lawrence's star is certainly on the rise. She excelled in the haunting Winter's Bone (2010), followed it up with X Men First Class in 2011, along with two well-received independent projects, and takes the lead in hotly-anticipated teen dystopian flick The Hunger Games in 2012. One to watch, even if BAFTA didn't spot her.

Rooney Mara

Rooney Mara has made a job of impressing Hollywood in 2011. When it came to choosing an actress for the much sought after part of Lisabeth Salander for his remake of The Girl of the Dragon Tattoo, Fincher passed over a host of world-famous actresses vying for the part in favour of Mara. Terence Malick was equally impressed, casting her alongside Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale and Cate Blanchett for 2013's Lawless. BAFTA clearly overlooked what Fincher and Malick couldn't.

Andrea Riseborough

Riseborough is by now a familiar face to British television audiences, starring in political comedy Party Animals and playing a young pre-Streep Margaret Thatcher in The Road to Finchley. In 2011 she began her film career in earnest, following an acclaimed performance in Brighton Rock in 2010 with Owen Sheer's penned historical drama Resistance alongside Micheal Sheen and, most recently, a convincing portrayl of Wallis Simpson in Madonna's entertaining but flawed W.E. With three further projects scheduled for 2012, perhaps BAFTA are sitting tight for another year before giving Riseborough the recognition she deserves.

Did we, BAFTA-style, fail to mention a well-deserving female star on the rise? Tell us in the comments below.

AW

 

A thought about girls on screens.

Today I had a thought about girls on screens. I have recently been to see The Artist, and yes, I loved the Dog (incidentally I follow the Dog on Twitter. His name is Uggie and there is a petition for him to be nominated for an Oscar), but what I loved most of all was Peppy Miller. She is honest, vibrant, daring and after she draws a fake beauty spot on her lip she's hollywoods sweetheart. And she achieves all this without opening her mouth once.

There is something of an influx of girls on my screen that I feel a massive affinity to. What with the charms of Peppy Miller, mixed with Christina Ricci working her quippy come-backs and blue uniform in Pan Am and having just been introduced to Jess of New Girl, I'm basically turning into a prolific lesbian. And don't even get me started on Joan-from-Mad-Men.

So what is it about girls wanting to read, know and watch women they feel inspired by? You don't catch men saying 'I felt such a connection to Tony Soprano' (probably a good thing) or 'I really relate to Peter Griffin and his portrayal of the common man.' But when reviewing female characters, this is something which is frequently examined.

I recently read a write up about Zooey Deschanel's character in New Girl by The Evening Standard's Rosamund Urwin. She stated that Zooey is 'twee to the extreme: a bundle of "kooky" quirks rather than a fully developed character'. This leads me to imagine that Ms Urwin hasn't met many 20 year olds. Maybe she hasn't been a 20 year old. But whilst I haven't watched Dirty Dancing on a loop, I could most certainly be accused of watching Clueless two or more nights in a row, and the flocking on my Sex and the City boxset has almost completely worn off. Some of us accidentally run over pigeons when roller blading, cry their eyebrows off and pull really unladylike dance moves, even when people are looking.

So why is it that women are so willing to relate to our on-screen counterparts? I think fundamentally, if anything, it is to reassure ourselves that our increasingly odd behaviour does not render us insane. These potentially iconic female characters are a welcome relief from the significantly fewer dimensioned characters like, for example, the Gossip Girls. Although this doesn't result in me switching over. It just works much better for background viewing whilst I finish my knitting.

FILM: 2012 Round-up

A round-up of a handful of films Dry Shampoo Diarists are looking forward to seeing in the first half of 2012:

Shame

Shame finally gets its theatrical release this week, and sees the return one of the most potent creative pairings working in film today.

Since Steve McQueen and Micheal Fassbender's last outing for 'Hunger' in 2006, Fassbender has emerged as a much-sought leading man, with a Cronenberg title, superhero franchise and critically lauded arthouse back catalogue to his name. His performance as sex addict Brandon Sullivan appears to have cemented his reputation for affecting and muscular performances in the mind of critics, with Carey Mulligan offering similarly impressive back-up as the younger sister whose arrival instigates Brandon’s life crisis.  


Go and watch it alone in a coat and shades for extra cool points.

The Artist


A French homage to silent cinema, The Artist charts the career decline of a silent movie star following the introduction of sound to filmmaking during the 1920s. It's garnered nothing but rave reviews, both for its technical mastery and its sincere commitment to romantic storytelling. Of course, the problem with any film as highly praised at The Artist comes when entering the cinema with cripplingly high expectations that even a great film becomes soul-destroying in its disappointments.


Go and see it, as I will, and just try to enjoy yourself.

The Descendents


The Descendents centres on an indifferent family man, Matt King, who is forced to re-examine his past and embrace his future when his wife suffers a boating accident off the coast of Waikiki.  

It's Alexander Payne's last film since Sideways (2004), and it boasts an award-tipped performance from George Clooney in addition to Payne's characteristically sharp and insightful screenwriting. Rumour has it it's his 'best film yet'.

Young Adult


Flying the 'jesus christ its a wise cracking woman in a film' flag this year is Young Adult, the latest offering from Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody. Starring Charlize Theron, it charts the misadventures of a teen fiction writer who returns to her small hometown to relive her glory days and to reclaim her happily married high school sweetheart.


It promises the same wit imparted to Cody's first big screen heroine, without the likeability factor and cutesy direction which threatened to push Juno into the irritating side of winsome. Jason Reitman of 'Up in the Air' and 'Thank you for Smoking' fame directs.

The Dark Knight Rises


Bale and Nolan are pretty keen to assure everyone this will be their last outing for the Batman franchise, so its probably worth checking out the last installment in what has already proved to be one of the most commercially and critically successful film sagas of the last decade.


Plus, Tom Hardy's in it, albeit in a muzzle, and we all fell in love with him at least three films ago.

The Amazing Spiderman
Andrew Garfield's in it, scaling walls and working out in skin-tight blue and red one-piece. END OF.

Other upcoming films in 2012: A Dangerous Method, Carnage, Dreams of a Life, Chicken With Plums, The Hobbit

DATING: The one with the BBMs, The Ex Ex and the Strip Club

In a vain attempt to make sure last week was not 'the week I got finished with over BBM' (yes casual SATC reference there) it somehow morphed into 'the week I almost ended up in a strip club with my ex ex/ love of my life'. After having a pretty dire week I decided I needed a trip to stay in my old flat in London. Finding that almost the entire constituents of my phonebook had mysteriously disappeared from the city that weekend, I was left with one number to beg for a drink and chat: my ex of 3 1/2 years.

Being male, the 'Ex ex' seemed pretty nonchalant about meeting up and invited me out with some of our old school-friends that night. We chatted about life and work and he seemed genuinely impressed with what  I was up to, telling me in return that he was not quite in the job he had hoped for. Then, what had meant to be 'a few casual drinks' - that mythical social ritual that rarely anyone makes it through - turned into a night of drinking with the lads. So perhaps I shouldn't have been too surprised where things ended up....

By about 1am the 'Ex ex' turned to me and announced: 'I want some t**s in my face'. Once upon a time this might have been a casual suggestion between two consenting adults, but in this instance it only meant one thing: trip to the strip club.

I dont know how many people have been in the position of being asked by their ex to visit a strip club - but if you ARE thinking of getting into that situation, my suggestion is maybe do. Seeing a guy who I'd once imagined was the most perfect man in my (very small) world, desperate for a cheap thrill, was strangely liberating. I like to think I'm pretty chilled about stuff, me and my friends tend to take the whole 'boyfriend looking at porn' thing as a totally acceptable given, but there's something about strip clubs I find seriously, well, lame.

Despite being smugly in long term relationships ever since we split it seems the 'Ex ex' certainly doesn't have it all, and his new girlfriend is more than welcome to him. Having said that, I will certainly be keeping him in mind as an accessory to necessary confidence boosters in the future: I'm free, single, in a great job, and I don't have to pay nuffin' to see t**s.
GC

DATING: The Vanishing Man

Recent reports suggest that a new and dangerous illness is affecting the young men of Britain, and no, this time it isn’t an STD. Recent months have seen a rapid increase in the number of reported cases of what experts call ‘Vanishing Man Syndrome’ (VMS), with examples being seen as far afield as Birmingham and even Devon.

Experts on the syndrome, such as Dr Hesadickhead at the Plenty More Fish in the Sea Research Institute, explain that the illness can cause erratic and unexplainable behaviour, especially in young men who aren’t quite young enough to not know better. “In the early stages of the illness the main side effect is that it causes the young man to take an eager and keen interest in a young woman he meets, spending valuable money and time getting to know her. It is just at the climax of this stage that the second phase of the illness kicks in, the main symptoms being that he unexplainably loses interest over night, never wants to see them again regardless of what he may have said before, and in technical, scientific jargon, ‘drops off the radar’.”

Whilst these symptoms are dangerous and frightening in themselves, undoubtedly the most serious side effect is that it leaves attractive, intelligent young women feeling unnecessary self doubt and confusion. Theorists on the syndrome believe that the malignity of this side effect is so extreme that women come to blame themselves, and it is indirectly responsible for articles such as ‘how to bag your man’ and ‘how to stop your man cheating’ pervading popular female literature of today; as a man evidently has the luxury of waiting to be ‘bagged’ and if a man strays God forbid it should actually be down to his inability to keep it in his pants, but really because she was probably nagging too much.

It’s hard to spot the warning signs of a sufferer of VMS, and a bit like a nasty itch you don’t realise you’re dealing with it until it’s too late. Unfortunately he will appear a decent, interesting and interested guy, making them particularly hard to spot. One thing which helps trigger the second phase of VMS, the vanishing itself, is if the female shows the same level of interest in the male as he has in her. Therefore the best way to avoid becoming a secondary victim of VMS is to behave like an emotionally stunted and crippled being with a range of feeling equivalent to that of a plastic cup.

If you are a secondary victim of VMS don’t worry you’re not alone, and whilst this article may sound like it’s going to lead you down the path to bitter spinsterhood, really all VMS means is that he probably wasn’t worth your time in the first place, and definitely isn’t now. There have also been cases where young men have been lucky enough to escape VMS all together and, shock horror, are able to co-exist in an emotionally functioning capacity… so don’t resign yourself to the shelf and a life with cats as companions just yet. 


DW

LIFE: Lodging

I didn’t want to be a lodger. I wanted my own soulless apartment, one where I could bring back men in suits that I’d met in cocktail bars. But life’s a bitch, you don’t always get what you want, and so instead I’m living with a middle-aged divorcee who has a tea-bag holder on the kitchen sideboard.

On the bright side, I’m paying a fraction of what I’ve ever paid in rent before. So, what do I get for my money?

The answer, the strange dichotomy of ‘my own room’ but in someone else’s (heavily stencilled) house. Mainly what I get for my money is a sense of uncertainty.  I find it difficult to define exactly what our relationship is. We’re bound by a financial transaction at the start of each month, yet our relationship amounts to more than tenant and landlord- she often gives me lifts to work, on occasion confides in me like a friend, but we both know we’d never socialise outside the confines of the house.

In some ways, we’re not all that different, penchant for Marilyn Monroe/James Dean memorabilia aside; we’re both going through a period of transition. I’m starting a new job in a new city, life as a young professional stretching ahead. She’s recently got divorced after thirty years of marriage having discovered her husband knocked up a waitress, and is facing redundancy.

Yes, okay, it’s fair to say her ‘period of transition’ is also a personal catastrophe, and even people who know me very well and dare to love me would readily admit I am not the person you want around in the middle of a catastrophe. When something bad is going down, I’m always the person entrusted with ‘minding the bags.’ In a way I can understand it, I’ve never lost a bag to date, except that time I was in Cineworld and two boys came over and I was so flattered that they were chatting me up I failed to notice one of them had swiped my mate’s Hooch drawstring. Dark days, but valuable lessons learnt.

So having me pottering around is not what this woman needs right now; she doesn’t need the stress of coming home every evening and finding me there ironing my shirt on the dining table having been beaten YET AGAIN by the ironing board’s opening mechanism. She doesn’t need me spilling Ribena on her stair runner and hurriedly trying to mop it up with a soaked bath towel and hand moisturiser. She doesn’t need me yanking open the front door THAT ALWAYS STICKS and then finding the letterbox in my hand.

But I can be a source of comfort as well as irritation. She was embroiled in a love triangle involving, and this is absolutely not a lie, ‘Kev and Trev’, a situation anyone would recognise hangs on a proverbial knife edge, one slip of the tongue and all goes up in smoke. In this instance I was helpful: I listened and I backed Kev, as any sensible person would. I saved her a lifetime of Gok Wan’s Fashion Roadshow by demystifying his expertise: put simply, add a waist belt.

So I have my uses, but ultimately it isn’t ideal for either of us. I’m too neurotic to handle a lodging situation; every night I’m torn between watching what I really want to watch in my bedroom, or joining her downstairs and sitting through another episode of Masterchef: The Professionals. I’m incapable of ending a conversation or leaving the room without the sign-off, ‘would you like a warm drink?’ Then I can be wildly inconsiderate in other ways, like leaving the cardboard end of the loo roll on the holder.

Am I alone in finding the lodger/lodgee relationship a stressful dance between two slightly disorientated partners?

AW