LIFE: Attitude Problem

The presence and portrayal of women has been under the spotlight over the past week. With the culture minister Ed Vaizey’s call for more women on the BBC’s agenda setting Today programme, a distinct gender imbalance at the Davos meeting (just 17% of delegates were female) and the Leveson inquiry’s focus on the representation of women in the press, it is obvious that there are ingrained attitudes towards women in our society which desperately need changing.

Not too long ago I was having a conversation with a male friend and somehow the topic turned to the prosecution of rape, and his response was, ‘but a lot of women falsely accuse men of rape’. I tried to argue that just because a false rape allegation may get heavy media coverage, it does not justify the ridiculously low rate of reported rape cases which end in prosecution, or necessarily mean that every rape allegation should be treated with scepticism. I was – possibly naively – shocked that someone who was relatively intelligent, rational, and normally disapproving of violence, was ready to shrug off one of the most serious, damaging violations that can be committed. Every time someone cracks a joke about rape, or a popular TV series runs the age old ‘woman who falsely cried rape’ story line, my heart sinks, as it shows how lightly and wrongly the issue is dealt with.

Yet these attitudes exist because they are continually perpetuated and upheld by the popular media. The evidence presented to the Leveson inquiry highlighted what is pretty obvious, that images of women in the press are heavily sexualised, and reporting on rape, sexual abuse and violence towards women is sensationalised. By focusing on a victim’s appearance, clothes and actions it makes it seem that they are responsible, and that a crime like rape is an act of lust rather than what it really is, an act of violence. A woman who’s wearing a short skirt on a night out does not deserve to be attacked any more than a woman fully clothed walking home from work, and the unfortunate reality is that it happens to women in both these situations. However, due to the myths churned out by the media, people feel it is something they can shrug off, be cynical about, and possibly even get a punch line out of.

Whilst it is true that women in the UK are in a better situation than women in other parts of the world, it does not mean we can afford to be complacent, or should ever stop striving for more positive changes. The fact that Nadine Dorries’ education bill, which would have seen young girls given lessons on ‘sexual abstinence’, was even scheduled for a second reading shows the extent to which these attitudes are institutionalised. If attitudes are to change we need to challenge the forces that continually allow them to prevail.

DW 

FASHION: Paris Haute Couture Fashion Week 2012

I love haute couture probably because I like wearing anything that makes me stand out. Whilst I often opt for the 'less is more' look, Paris' haute couture fashion week is usually all about more is more. Here's a round up of my favourite looks last week.

Starting with the show which got most attention this year: Jean Paul Gaultier's Amy Winehouse inspired collection. Controversy aside, seeing a bit of Amy added to some JPG couture brought together two of my favourite things.

My favourite pieces probably were ones that weren't so explicitly 'Winehouse' but just edged with a bit of Amy's dishevelled sex appeal and inimitable style. London-based corset king Mr Pearl was integral to bringing Amy's revamped 50s look to the couture catwalk. 

Pop culture didn't only inspire Mr Gaultier this season, with a hint of celluloid chic taking to several runways. Maxime Simoens' collection channeled Gaspard Noe's Enter the Void, with Givenchy's Riccardo Tisci drawing inspiration from Fritz Lang's Metropolis and a Russian film called Aelita: Queen of Mars (no, us neither). 

Maxime Simoens

Givenchy

Some saw references to Lang's masterpiece in Donatella's Atelier Versace collection as well; just so you know, these dresses make the film in question seem far more exciting than we at DSD's found it to be. Versace was typically sexy and shiny, with its eyes firmly set on the red carpet. If I had to choose one piece, then I'd go all-out Versace glam and rock this little number:

Another designer whose pieces I'm sure will pop up at the Oscars in some shape or form is Elie Saab. The collection was beautifully romantic and ethereal, if perhaps a little safe. Still when you make dresses as beautiful as these we'll let you off.

Armani Prive brought things back down to earth with a collection inspired by 'metamorphosis' and heavily influenced by snakeskin. My stand-out pieces were both modelled by the stunning Michaela Kocianova.

 

Giambattista Valli's collection showcased a wide variety of couture-wear, far less obviously thematic than the other Paris shows. This beautiful printed dress stole the runway for me, bringing both colour and movement centre-stage.

I found Karl Lagerfield's futuristic Chanel collection a little ennuyeux-inducing. However, a few of his evening dresses did get me going. Dior's show was sadly lacking in the ornate theatricality of John Galliano's (slightly deranged) genius. That's not to say Bill Gaytten's collection wasn't choc-full of beautiful dresses and technical masterpieces, however, and it certainly brought some glamour to proceedings. Bouchra Jarrar developed her beautifully smart tailoring, but again it lacked in drama.

Chanel                                                           Christian Dior

My final dresses come from a design-house that I've had a long-time passion for. Valentino, now with Pier Paolo Piccioli and Maria Grazia Chiuri at its helm, produced the most beautiful show. Their beautifully layered lace and organza creations perfectly exuded the 'deep lightness' which the designers sought.

So there you have it; DSD's has done the hard work so you don't have to. Now go out and shop!


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FASHION: All That Glitters

If you had asked me for my christmas list last year you would have got the reply 'anything angora, or vintage with sequins.' Purely because I don't think anyone could have too much angora and also because it is my personal belief that gifted sequins are far superior to sequins you buy yourself. This glitter induced phrase had come from my hours trawling through Ebay searches of vintage+sequins - occasionally clawing a diamond from the rough and the rough being the strange, second hand underwear 'not of a sexual nature'.

As a result of my specific, yet inspired request, you would have found me on Christmas day bounding around in a black-beaded, sequin, low-back cami by Frank Usher and a sequin, gun-metal, waterfall Asos jacket. And pyjama bottoms but that's a given. 

Unfortunately my New Years this year was a 'lets-have-a-nice-chilled-out-evening-with-food-and-board-games' affair, which is all very well but not entirely sequin appropriate. So my vintage treasures are hanging on my bedroom wall, waiting for their time to shine, so to speak. 

With the thought of sequins a distant glimmer on the horizon, I have now set myself a challenge to introduce as much sparkle into my daytime spring wardrobe as possible. 

It appears that designers such as Dolce & Gabbana, have also had a change of heart, deciding it's time to turn the often nocturnal sequin creature into something which goes nicely with your morning coffee. Rhinestone KG espadrilles? Why certainly. Anyway, it seems fairly selfish of December not to lend some to January. Goodness knows January needs a bit of glitter.

WM

ART: Bad Barbie

Finally a side to Barbie we haven't seen! After years of Malibu Barbie, Nurse Barbie, and other rather safe bets, Tyler Shields has photographed our favourite plastic girl showcasing a new, rather debauched, look. Tyler explained on her blog: ' She expressed to me her interest in doing something different “being shot in a way people had never seen her before”'

Caution - some accessories may not be suitable for children.

Check out more here:

http://www.tylershields.com/2012/01/23/barbie/#more-4516

HAIR AND BEAUTY: Review: Batiste Dry Hair Shampoo

When I went to collect my 'leftovers' from a guy I'd been seeing recently there were 3 staples which had allowed the memory of me to haunt his room: wedge shoes, a body con dress and a can of Batiste dry shampoo. Surprisingly it was the fact that he'd remembered the last item which made the exchange so bittersweet; not only had it been bought for my first 'morning after' at his, but it showed that in the short time we'd been together, he'd kinda worked me out.

In dreaming up the title for this blog we wanted to find something that encapsulated what the DSD's were all about. Our champagne lifestyles (funded by lemonade salaries) are kinda messy and fast-paced; there are a few aluminium covered idols worshipped in our busy young female world: 'cocktails in a can','gin in a tin' and, last but certainly not least, Batiste dry shampoo.

Nothing beats Batiste for doing exactly what it says on the tin. After a quick spray your hair is refreshed - cleaner, bouncier and volumised - and at around only £3-4 for a standard size, what's not to like? Now whilst we all agree on Batiste dry shampoo as a must-have, each DSD has their ultimate favourite:

DW and AW are 'Tropical' girls - both being suckers for the summery coconut scent.

WM likes it XXL - with the spray not only washing your hair, but really pushing it to the max. She was so shocked by the results of her first XXL experience is was pretty much the first thing she told me about the next day!

Personally, after getting it from work as an Xmas present (which now is an office resident) my favourite is the newest scent: 'Wild'.

Go figure, of course, that the tag-line for this can is 'sassy and daring' and marks itself as the 'perfect partner for when your out on the prowl'; i.e. its pretty much my daily companion...

This week I also tried Batiste's 'light and blonde' spray which contains a slight colour so that darker roots are lifted. At the moment I'm kinda working a 'dip-dye lite' hairstyle so I'm not sure if it works for me, but with someone like CM, who is blessed with natural blonde locks, these cans will help hide your sins.

Batiste also comes in a range of different sizes. Of course size matters to the DSD's and although the travel cans might be handy, at only 50ml we find they rarely satisfy our needs. When dedicated to a dry shampoo lifestyle, you really can't beat the huge 400ml whoppers.

So here at Dry Shampoo Diaries, although our lifestyles might be a bit disposable- with dates, fashions and boyfriends that come and go- there is one relationship we can always rely on for a bit of a boost. And it all comes in an extra-large can.

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LIFESTYLE: Review: Element: Ballet Conditioning DVD

My interest in dance-fitness workouts started pretty young, when me and my friend would sit and watch the Pineapple Dance Studios DVD whilst vegging out on sweets and chocolate, in an attempt to learn cool moves by some sort of osmosis.

In my second year at uni I rediscovered the fad as a way in which to keep fit whilst being unable to afford gym membership. Initially I was drawn in by Robin Antin's Pussycat Doll Workout which boasts 'the sexiest, most glamorous and fun dance workout you’ve ever done!' Whilst that may be true, in a fitness DVD which suggested you worked out in heels, gave handy tips such as 'Pussycat Dolls love to slap their booties' and even offered a burlesque routine - using a lesser known piece of fitness equipment  known as the ‘feather boa’ - I couldn't help but feel that Robin wasn't taking my regime all that seriously...

Recently I have decided to return to Ballet - after giving up when I hit 11, grew hips and discovered boys. Despite almost memorising the steps perfectly from 10 years ago, my technique and strength is pretty dire (I blame my ridiculous high heel fetish). So for Christmas I asked for Element: Ballet Conditioning with Elise Gulan.

You don’t have to have seen Black Swan to know that Ballet isn’t always the best thing for your health, lesbian psychoses and self harm aside, if done without proper training it can often do more harm than good; therefore I would only really recommend this workout to people who also enjoy regular lessons.

Elise Gulan is from the Virginia Ballet Company, and although America is perhaps not famed for its classical technique,  I’d probably rather her workout than one developed by the Bolshoi Ballet. Despite the slightly annoying way in which she calls the chest ‘the heart centre’ and repeatedly talks of the ‘beauty of a dancer’s grace’, Gulan’s workout really pushes you to your limits whilst building core strength and toning the body. The workout uses moves such as the tondu, the devloppe and rond de jambe, mainly utilising barre techniques, alongside pulse-raising centre work. It’s fun and varied and takes about 50 minutes.

  

I wont say it’s easy, and it will take a few tries before you can keep up with her, but anyone studying at grade 3 BBO level and above should have no problem with her combination of stretches, heart-raisers and Ballet dance steps; sadly I can’t promise the same for her overwhelming Californian enthusiasm.

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LIFESTYLE: Office Perils and Blunders

Below I discuss some of the obstacles faced in the battleground of office etiquette, along with some sure-fire ways to make a complete tit of yourself, tested by yours truly.

Peril: The Office Feeders

Beware the office feeders. These creatures will bring in food that they don’t want to eat under the pretence of generosity. They will then offer it around, you don’t want to eat it either, but you will out of an absurd feeling of obligation.

It is this invisible force of obligation which means that if Janet from accounts offers a 2 month old tin of stale biscuits round that she no longer wants now she’s trying to lose her Christmas weight I can’t say ‘no’, but will tuck in anyway so as not to seem rude.

If people bring in home baked goods then it’s not so bad, at least they’ve put some effort in, regardless of whether it should come with a health warning or not; however it’s slightly different when blatant offloading is going on. A woman at work recently brought in some frozen brownies and defrosted them on a plate in the middle of the office. As she offered them round I tried to refuse, saying I’d have one later with a cup of tea, yet she looked so crestfallen I ended up taking one. As I bit into a half frozen brownie from Iceland that I didn’t really want I realised I’d been defeated yet again. This is the power the office feeders have, good luck trying to resist it.

Blunder: Computers, Photocopiers, Printers

For some reason I do not get on with the majority of electrically powered office appliances. This is usually down to my own idiocy, such as putting stapled bits of paper through photocopiers. Not the worst crime against humanity one could commit, but enough to get a knowing tut and a role of the eyes from my long suffering colleagues.

My worst faux pas to date has to be when I was working on a computer before it unexpectedly decided to switch itself off. Being a tech savvy 21^st century gal, I did the obvious thing and tried the ‘on’ button, but no luck. My confused colleagues took my word for it and turned to the only possible solution, to call a technician. I was pleasantly surprised when a cute tech guy turned up who I hadn’t seen before, and wondered where he’d been hiding. As I demonstrated that the ‘on’ button wasn’t working in the most attractive way possible, and sat trying to look seductively involved in my paperwork, it took him 5 minutes of fiddling about before he announced the answer to the problem in a pissed off tone, ‘you turned it off at the wall.’

Trying to make a joke of it he didn’t seem very amused, I later found out that it was probably because he’d travelled from twenty minutes away, our office not having its own department of in house cute technicians. I now stay away from power switches and the jokes about keeping me in a padded room have just about died down.

Peril: The Office Nemesis

At one job where I was temping I became the target of a woman’s mid-life crisis angst and her ensuing hate campaign. Not usually a fan of nepotism, I had got the job through a relative, but figured that using my contacts to get a job filing for four weeks in order to fund my travels wasn’t the worse abuse of power I could commit.

The woman in question worked in the IT department, so she already had an advantage over my weakness. She didn’t begrudge my presence out of any kind of principal, but because her son wasn’t doing the job instead. She made her animosity obvious through the usual pathetic acts of blanking me, moaning about me to other people and generally being rude. All things I could take in my stride. But she took things one step too far when she made my computer log in ‘child’. I won’t deny I’m slightly sensitive about the fact that my ‘baby face’ means people only realise I’m not on work experience when I don’t vanish after 2 weeks, and she had dared to take it there. I retaliated in the only way I knew how, to topple her reputation as baker extraordinaire, taking in an impressive array of my own home made goods. The baking battle line had been drawn as my red velvet cupcakes took on her famed lemon drizzle, to much success I'm happy to add.

I guess the motto is, if you can’t beat them, join them.  

DW

GOING OUT: Time for Tea

I’m already bored of hearing about January diets and the “incredible” weight loss transformation of z-list celebs. This year I’ve not made any New Year’s resolutions that will lead to inevitable self-loathing, but plan instead to embrace indulgence as the new abstinence of 2012. This could be achieved through the standard night of hedonistic partying on bars, doing body shots off strangers and stumbling home with a handful of fried chicken. Or more simply through one of life’s finer pleasures – a good cup of tea and a big fat slice of cake.  

Whether your cup of choice is the noble Earl Grey, exotic Lapsang Souchong or the humble English Breakfast, below are some cosy spots scattered across the country perfect for treating yourself (and ending the January diet/cycle of misery and self torture).

The Tea Cosy, Brighton

Tucked away in Brighton, The Tea Cosy gives you the smug feeling of satisfaction that you’ve stumbled upon somewhere ‘secret’. Once inside you’ll find yourself in a fairy lit grotto of Royal Family memorabilia which vaguely resembles someone’s living room. With its odd cups, higgledy piggledy chairs, dusty lampshades and patriotic décor, it reaches the epitome of eccentricity whilst just remaining on the right side of chintz. Friendly service and good value for money, you can tuck into a selection of sandwiches and cakes named after your favourite royal, and drink tea from a pot aptly adorned with a knitted tea cosy.

Richmond Tea Rooms, Manchester

This ‘Alice in Wonderland’ inspired tea room is as indulgent in its interior design as it is in the cakes it serves. Upon entering you’re greeted with a cabinet full of delicious goodies, whilst the room in front of you unfolds into a spectacular example of camp at its decadent best. You can sit opposite a backdrop which evokes the Queen of Hearts, retreat under the glass roof of a flower-filled conservatory, or settle down on comfy cushion seats shrouded in silk drapes. A lively atmosphere makes it perfect for a special occasion, or just a good excuse to stuff your face with scones and clotted cream.  

St James’s Restaurant, Fortnum & Mason, London

Offering a cake-eating and tea-drinking experience in an environment of elegance and sophistication, the St James’s Restaurant is located on the top floor of the royally warranted department store Fortnum & Mason – famous for its luxury hampers, amongst other things. As you’re waited on by attentive staff in an atmosphere of calm civility, it’s not the place to raucously enjoy your cake, but instead pass your time with pleasant conversation whilst listening to the tinkering of the grand piano. It’s not extortionately expensive but you do pay more for a higher end service and experience. You might as well swap the tea for champagne whilst you’re at it. 

The Dome, Edinburgh

The grand location of The Dome in Edinburgh doesn’t solely serve afternoon tea, but it is a dining option with a menu full of the good stuff a traditional tea is made of: finger sandwiches, scones and cakes. With a variety of rooms to dine in the most impressive is undoubtedly The Grill Room. After passing through the foyer and under a chandelier of epic proportions, you’re seated under the impressive glass dome itself. Surrounded by pillars and marble flooring you could feel like you’d been transported to a more decadent era. However the friendly, down to earth atmosphere keeps your feet on the ground as you choose between the smoked salmon and cream cheese sandwich, or the Scottish beef and horseradish one.

DW 

FILM: The Rising Stars BAFTA Forgot

BAFTA have done the unthinkable: following the outrage which greeted the Beeb's all-male Sports Personality of the Year shortlist, they've decided to go ahead and publish an all-male shortlist for their Rising Star award. While we can't redraft the list of nominees, we can show them the error of their ways:

Jessica Chastain

Let's start with the blindingly obvious. Chastain starred in no less than SEVEN films in 2011, a lot of them good, one of them excellent (Malick's The Tree of Life). If you didn't see her in something and weren't captivated by her radiant and scene-stealing performances, like BAFTA, you probably weren't paying much attention.  

Jennifer Lawrence

Lawrence's star is certainly on the rise. She excelled in the haunting Winter's Bone (2010), followed it up with X Men First Class in 2011, along with two well-received independent projects, and takes the lead in hotly-anticipated teen dystopian flick The Hunger Games in 2012. One to watch, even if BAFTA didn't spot her.

Rooney Mara

Rooney Mara has made a job of impressing Hollywood in 2011. When it came to choosing an actress for the much sought after part of Lisabeth Salander for his remake of The Girl of the Dragon Tattoo, Fincher passed over a host of world-famous actresses vying for the part in favour of Mara. Terence Malick was equally impressed, casting her alongside Ryan Gosling, Christian Bale and Cate Blanchett for 2013's Lawless. BAFTA clearly overlooked what Fincher and Malick couldn't.

Andrea Riseborough

Riseborough is by now a familiar face to British television audiences, starring in political comedy Party Animals and playing a young pre-Streep Margaret Thatcher in The Road to Finchley. In 2011 she began her film career in earnest, following an acclaimed performance in Brighton Rock in 2010 with Owen Sheer's penned historical drama Resistance alongside Micheal Sheen and, most recently, a convincing portrayl of Wallis Simpson in Madonna's entertaining but flawed W.E. With three further projects scheduled for 2012, perhaps BAFTA are sitting tight for another year before giving Riseborough the recognition she deserves.

Did we, BAFTA-style, fail to mention a well-deserving female star on the rise? Tell us in the comments below.

AW

 

A thought about girls on screens.

Today I had a thought about girls on screens. I have recently been to see The Artist, and yes, I loved the Dog (incidentally I follow the Dog on Twitter. His name is Uggie and there is a petition for him to be nominated for an Oscar), but what I loved most of all was Peppy Miller. She is honest, vibrant, daring and after she draws a fake beauty spot on her lip she's hollywoods sweetheart. And she achieves all this without opening her mouth once.

There is something of an influx of girls on my screen that I feel a massive affinity to. What with the charms of Peppy Miller, mixed with Christina Ricci working her quippy come-backs and blue uniform in Pan Am and having just been introduced to Jess of New Girl, I'm basically turning into a prolific lesbian. And don't even get me started on Joan-from-Mad-Men.

So what is it about girls wanting to read, know and watch women they feel inspired by? You don't catch men saying 'I felt such a connection to Tony Soprano' (probably a good thing) or 'I really relate to Peter Griffin and his portrayal of the common man.' But when reviewing female characters, this is something which is frequently examined.

I recently read a write up about Zooey Deschanel's character in New Girl by The Evening Standard's Rosamund Urwin. She stated that Zooey is 'twee to the extreme: a bundle of "kooky" quirks rather than a fully developed character'. This leads me to imagine that Ms Urwin hasn't met many 20 year olds. Maybe she hasn't been a 20 year old. But whilst I haven't watched Dirty Dancing on a loop, I could most certainly be accused of watching Clueless two or more nights in a row, and the flocking on my Sex and the City boxset has almost completely worn off. Some of us accidentally run over pigeons when roller blading, cry their eyebrows off and pull really unladylike dance moves, even when people are looking.

So why is it that women are so willing to relate to our on-screen counterparts? I think fundamentally, if anything, it is to reassure ourselves that our increasingly odd behaviour does not render us insane. These potentially iconic female characters are a welcome relief from the significantly fewer dimensioned characters like, for example, the Gossip Girls. Although this doesn't result in me switching over. It just works much better for background viewing whilst I finish my knitting.

FILM: 2012 Round-up

A round-up of a handful of films Dry Shampoo Diarists are looking forward to seeing in the first half of 2012:

Shame

Shame finally gets its theatrical release this week, and sees the return one of the most potent creative pairings working in film today.

Since Steve McQueen and Micheal Fassbender's last outing for 'Hunger' in 2006, Fassbender has emerged as a much-sought leading man, with a Cronenberg title, superhero franchise and critically lauded arthouse back catalogue to his name. His performance as sex addict Brandon Sullivan appears to have cemented his reputation for affecting and muscular performances in the mind of critics, with Carey Mulligan offering similarly impressive back-up as the younger sister whose arrival instigates Brandon’s life crisis.  


Go and watch it alone in a coat and shades for extra cool points.

The Artist


A French homage to silent cinema, The Artist charts the career decline of a silent movie star following the introduction of sound to filmmaking during the 1920s. It's garnered nothing but rave reviews, both for its technical mastery and its sincere commitment to romantic storytelling. Of course, the problem with any film as highly praised at The Artist comes when entering the cinema with cripplingly high expectations that even a great film becomes soul-destroying in its disappointments.


Go and see it, as I will, and just try to enjoy yourself.

The Descendents


The Descendents centres on an indifferent family man, Matt King, who is forced to re-examine his past and embrace his future when his wife suffers a boating accident off the coast of Waikiki.  

It's Alexander Payne's last film since Sideways (2004), and it boasts an award-tipped performance from George Clooney in addition to Payne's characteristically sharp and insightful screenwriting. Rumour has it it's his 'best film yet'.

Young Adult


Flying the 'jesus christ its a wise cracking woman in a film' flag this year is Young Adult, the latest offering from Juno screenwriter Diablo Cody. Starring Charlize Theron, it charts the misadventures of a teen fiction writer who returns to her small hometown to relive her glory days and to reclaim her happily married high school sweetheart.


It promises the same wit imparted to Cody's first big screen heroine, without the likeability factor and cutesy direction which threatened to push Juno into the irritating side of winsome. Jason Reitman of 'Up in the Air' and 'Thank you for Smoking' fame directs.

The Dark Knight Rises


Bale and Nolan are pretty keen to assure everyone this will be their last outing for the Batman franchise, so its probably worth checking out the last installment in what has already proved to be one of the most commercially and critically successful film sagas of the last decade.


Plus, Tom Hardy's in it, albeit in a muzzle, and we all fell in love with him at least three films ago.

The Amazing Spiderman
Andrew Garfield's in it, scaling walls and working out in skin-tight blue and red one-piece. END OF.

Other upcoming films in 2012: A Dangerous Method, Carnage, Dreams of a Life, Chicken With Plums, The Hobbit

DATING: The one with the BBMs, The Ex Ex and the Strip Club

In a vain attempt to make sure last week was not 'the week I got finished with over BBM' (yes casual SATC reference there) it somehow morphed into 'the week I almost ended up in a strip club with my ex ex/ love of my life'. After having a pretty dire week I decided I needed a trip to stay in my old flat in London. Finding that almost the entire constituents of my phonebook had mysteriously disappeared from the city that weekend, I was left with one number to beg for a drink and chat: my ex of 3 1/2 years.

Being male, the 'Ex ex' seemed pretty nonchalant about meeting up and invited me out with some of our old school-friends that night. We chatted about life and work and he seemed genuinely impressed with what  I was up to, telling me in return that he was not quite in the job he had hoped for. Then, what had meant to be 'a few casual drinks' - that mythical social ritual that rarely anyone makes it through - turned into a night of drinking with the lads. So perhaps I shouldn't have been too surprised where things ended up....

By about 1am the 'Ex ex' turned to me and announced: 'I want some t**s in my face'. Once upon a time this might have been a casual suggestion between two consenting adults, but in this instance it only meant one thing: trip to the strip club.

I dont know how many people have been in the position of being asked by their ex to visit a strip club - but if you ARE thinking of getting into that situation, my suggestion is maybe do. Seeing a guy who I'd once imagined was the most perfect man in my (very small) world, desperate for a cheap thrill, was strangely liberating. I like to think I'm pretty chilled about stuff, me and my friends tend to take the whole 'boyfriend looking at porn' thing as a totally acceptable given, but there's something about strip clubs I find seriously, well, lame.

Despite being smugly in long term relationships ever since we split it seems the 'Ex ex' certainly doesn't have it all, and his new girlfriend is more than welcome to him. Having said that, I will certainly be keeping him in mind as an accessory to necessary confidence boosters in the future: I'm free, single, in a great job, and I don't have to pay nuffin' to see t**s.
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DATING: The Vanishing Man

Recent reports suggest that a new and dangerous illness is affecting the young men of Britain, and no, this time it isn’t an STD. Recent months have seen a rapid increase in the number of reported cases of what experts call ‘Vanishing Man Syndrome’ (VMS), with examples being seen as far afield as Birmingham and even Devon.

Experts on the syndrome, such as Dr Hesadickhead at the Plenty More Fish in the Sea Research Institute, explain that the illness can cause erratic and unexplainable behaviour, especially in young men who aren’t quite young enough to not know better. “In the early stages of the illness the main side effect is that it causes the young man to take an eager and keen interest in a young woman he meets, spending valuable money and time getting to know her. It is just at the climax of this stage that the second phase of the illness kicks in, the main symptoms being that he unexplainably loses interest over night, never wants to see them again regardless of what he may have said before, and in technical, scientific jargon, ‘drops off the radar’.”

Whilst these symptoms are dangerous and frightening in themselves, undoubtedly the most serious side effect is that it leaves attractive, intelligent young women feeling unnecessary self doubt and confusion. Theorists on the syndrome believe that the malignity of this side effect is so extreme that women come to blame themselves, and it is indirectly responsible for articles such as ‘how to bag your man’ and ‘how to stop your man cheating’ pervading popular female literature of today; as a man evidently has the luxury of waiting to be ‘bagged’ and if a man strays God forbid it should actually be down to his inability to keep it in his pants, but really because she was probably nagging too much.

It’s hard to spot the warning signs of a sufferer of VMS, and a bit like a nasty itch you don’t realise you’re dealing with it until it’s too late. Unfortunately he will appear a decent, interesting and interested guy, making them particularly hard to spot. One thing which helps trigger the second phase of VMS, the vanishing itself, is if the female shows the same level of interest in the male as he has in her. Therefore the best way to avoid becoming a secondary victim of VMS is to behave like an emotionally stunted and crippled being with a range of feeling equivalent to that of a plastic cup.

If you are a secondary victim of VMS don’t worry you’re not alone, and whilst this article may sound like it’s going to lead you down the path to bitter spinsterhood, really all VMS means is that he probably wasn’t worth your time in the first place, and definitely isn’t now. There have also been cases where young men have been lucky enough to escape VMS all together and, shock horror, are able to co-exist in an emotionally functioning capacity… so don’t resign yourself to the shelf and a life with cats as companions just yet. 


DW